David could not believe he was falling to his death. Ideally water makes for a soft landing, but not from 11,042 feet. When David exhausted himself from screaming the profane words of his father, he fell into a passive thought process where seconds were attacked by dry ice and divided into millionths. This was going to take a while.

Oddly enough the first story line to appear on the big scream was his first crush. Her name was Mrs. Violet Violin, his kindergarten teacher. Whenever she read from the Book of Tall Tales her voice melted his tiny body, and any free floating thoughts of youth were useless to fight for occupancy. David would stay in Love with her until the third grade, when Suzy Abalone would ask him for help on her multiplication homework.

As the frozen seconds would shatter, they would land in a Pelicans mouth, melting and accumulating in 7 second increments. At that point the pelican would float upward, towards Venus, making sure to never make eye contact with the transient soul. Although 10 Pelicans would be most sufficient for this cause, 13 pelicans were requested by those in charge of these things. I was given many liberties in the telling of this incident, but revealing those in charge is not among them. Quite honestly, I could only offer you a guess that may be less reliable than saving a marshmallow from a volcano.

Dynamite. Of all the crazy events in David’s life, the time he found a stick of dynamite, fuse and all, was in his top 5 most awesome… ever. If you can believe it, David let out a giggle as this story rolled the tracks of his mind. He was 12 years old and like most boys his age he was clumsy, dorky and full of adventure. His buddy, Alex, was with him, as usual. Damn near inseparable until Alex would join the Marines and become a lifer.

While wading through a small stream, both boys identifying themselves as Rambo, David saw a tin box nailed to a tree. As he went closer to investigate he noticed it was a Casper the Friendly Ghost lunchbox with a tiny, yellow, plastic clip keeping it closed. David clicked it open and damn near shit himself. “Alex! Alex! get over here now! Oh my goodness!”

Alex came running to find David browsing a card deck of naked women from the late 1930s. Neither of them had parents or siblings that were forthcoming with any information on the female species and this was gold; a one way ticket to getting in with the Lowry boys and being cool. Alex spots the stick of dynamite and just points to it. David dropped the cards and his jaw simultaneously. The search was on for an enemy tank that needed to be halted.

After a quick recon, the tank was sorted. It was a dead tree that beckoned the devil’s fire stick. Both boys always carried matches, just in case. This was the most major “just in case” ever. After this day, both boys would always have matches on them or within reach when they slept. With the dynamite lowered into the hollow hull, the boys laughed as they both lit the fuse… and ran.They found cover behind an old pine tree that easily safeguarded both of them. There was a moment they thought it was dud, but then that old dead tree found its way to the heavens. That sucker turned into a rocket as the bottom was blown to smithereens.

The boys would add a few seconds to the time the tree was in the air each time they told the story. None of the kids doubted them because the entire valley heard the boom. It became the best kept secret among the children of the area, and the Lowry boys now had competition for coolest kids ever. Rather than admit they were being rivaled, the Lowry boys just accepted David and Alex into their treasured group.

Hold on a frozen second, David is saying something. Oh, ok. David wants that to be his last recorded story. He cannot see me but he knows I am here. He is all smiles and wants to enjoy his memory recalls in silence, with the Pelicans. I asked him if I could share any last thoughts with you all, but he was already deep into his next memory, the one where he ended up above the Roxy in Los Angeles and did a shot of tequila with David Bowie. Such a great story, but I must adhere to David’s wishes.